Have Mercy On Me
Aug 28 2008
This is a
special entry by an anonymous woman who is leading
the ten-step healing process at her parish.
“Have
mercy on me, God, in your goodness; in your abundant
compassion blot out my offense.”
So opens my favorite psalm, 51, The Miserere: Prayer of Repentance. I connect with David’s vast sin, because I too sinned most offensively against God. Twenty years ago, I had an abortion. I was twenty one, very confused, far away from God, and too frightened to choose life, as I felt at the time that it would mean the end to my college career and the life a college degree would hold for me.
My journey after that was a classic post abortion journey. I felt horror, shame, and regret, tremendous grief and complete emotional confusion. However, I was supposed to be happy and “fully realized” that, as a feminist, I had the “right” to choose. So I stuffed all of those emotions, threw myself into my career and never looked back. Or so I thought.
Turn away your face from my sins; blot out all my guilt. A clean heart create for me, God; renew in me a steadfast spirit.”
Although I had left God behind with my poor baby at the abortion clinic, God never left my side. It took me a few years (OK, 18 years) to finally open my heart to His abundant mercy, but when I did, He embraced me and welcomed me as the prodigal daughter that I was.
When I finally confessed my abortion, the priest said a funny thing to me (or so I thought at the time). He said he was going to absolve me of my sin, then we were going to meet to heal me from the trauma of my abortion experience. At the time, I had so denied those feelings (except for the shame that kept me from fully participating in my faith), I had no idea I had anything to heal from.
As we started to meet, I began to reconnect. And to fully understand the depth of God’s love for me. Then, later, I discerned that I was to work with women who had abortions to facilitate God’s healing. I began the 10-step program and marveled at the depth of healing this program allowed. I was eager to train with Debbie and bring this program to the parish I attend.
I currently am working with two women and God has abundantly blessed me in this work. Women start the program almost bent over spiritually from the pain and agony of their abortion. God works miracles in these ten steps, allowing women to truly know His saving mercy.
I am in a large parish, with many college educated women. I know there are hundreds of women who suffer in silence. I promote the ministry through parish bulletin announcements and a brochure. I have heard that many women read the bulletin announcement and feel it is meant for them, so I continue to pray that the Holy Spirit will guide them to accept healing. Post abortive women will be a powerful voice for pro-life and the more who seek healing, the more God will add to His army to end this deadly scourge on women and children.
Our pastor is a wonderful, sensitive man who understands that outreach and healing to women who’ve had abortions is a crucial ministry. He is supportive of the work, encourages women to seek healing, writes about it in pastor’s notes, and seeks to create an environment in which all people are welcome with compassion and mercy.
I currently am running the ten-step program and will add a small group bible study in the fall. I am anonymous and will remain so, to encourage women to seek healing. But please pray for me, so more women will come for healing and please pray that God will place more women like me in churches and parishes to do His work.
So opens my favorite psalm, 51, The Miserere: Prayer of Repentance. I connect with David’s vast sin, because I too sinned most offensively against God. Twenty years ago, I had an abortion. I was twenty one, very confused, far away from God, and too frightened to choose life, as I felt at the time that it would mean the end to my college career and the life a college degree would hold for me.
My journey after that was a classic post abortion journey. I felt horror, shame, and regret, tremendous grief and complete emotional confusion. However, I was supposed to be happy and “fully realized” that, as a feminist, I had the “right” to choose. So I stuffed all of those emotions, threw myself into my career and never looked back. Or so I thought.
Turn away your face from my sins; blot out all my guilt. A clean heart create for me, God; renew in me a steadfast spirit.”
Although I had left God behind with my poor baby at the abortion clinic, God never left my side. It took me a few years (OK, 18 years) to finally open my heart to His abundant mercy, but when I did, He embraced me and welcomed me as the prodigal daughter that I was.
When I finally confessed my abortion, the priest said a funny thing to me (or so I thought at the time). He said he was going to absolve me of my sin, then we were going to meet to heal me from the trauma of my abortion experience. At the time, I had so denied those feelings (except for the shame that kept me from fully participating in my faith), I had no idea I had anything to heal from.
As we started to meet, I began to reconnect. And to fully understand the depth of God’s love for me. Then, later, I discerned that I was to work with women who had abortions to facilitate God’s healing. I began the 10-step program and marveled at the depth of healing this program allowed. I was eager to train with Debbie and bring this program to the parish I attend.
I currently am working with two women and God has abundantly blessed me in this work. Women start the program almost bent over spiritually from the pain and agony of their abortion. God works miracles in these ten steps, allowing women to truly know His saving mercy.
I am in a large parish, with many college educated women. I know there are hundreds of women who suffer in silence. I promote the ministry through parish bulletin announcements and a brochure. I have heard that many women read the bulletin announcement and feel it is meant for them, so I continue to pray that the Holy Spirit will guide them to accept healing. Post abortive women will be a powerful voice for pro-life and the more who seek healing, the more God will add to His army to end this deadly scourge on women and children.
Our pastor is a wonderful, sensitive man who understands that outreach and healing to women who’ve had abortions is a crucial ministry. He is supportive of the work, encourages women to seek healing, writes about it in pastor’s notes, and seeks to create an environment in which all people are welcome with compassion and mercy.
I currently am running the ten-step program and will add a small group bible study in the fall. I am anonymous and will remain so, to encourage women to seek healing. But please pray for me, so more women will come for healing and please pray that God will place more women like me in churches and parishes to do His work.